Unsettled

Roaring, shaking, teetering off, is how I feel. My heart, slightly pained and full of apprehension. What is this strong unsettledness that I feel?

Quieting my mind, or at least I try, I slip into meditation. Still present there, I am unsettled.

Walking through my day, going back and forth from accepting this state to trying to ignore it and complete the tasks at hand. Regardless, I am unsettled.

“Why”, I ask myself “do I feel this way? What is wrong?” It is so emergent it feels like something needs to change and right now! Immediately!

As I keep moving, I realize that it is so much that is unsettled in my life. But this can be seen as good, for life is always moving. I want to always grow, and become more and more me. Just because this unsettling feeling does not feel good, does not mean that it is bad.

So, I’ll go on loving whom I love, missing whom I miss. I’ll go on trying to envision my future, and being kind with myself as I try to just live into the future instead of planning for it.

I will pray with Patient Trust, listen to uplifting songs, sit and appreciate the sunshine. I’ll grasp at the growing gratitude for this state. Unsettled, this is today’s gift.

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