What I am losing

A new year. A new time filled with change, plans and resolutions. To some, this marries hope to unfulfilled promises and goals to never ending self to-do lists.

For me, I realize its one more essence of time with Mom and yet one less. This year is already radically different from the previous, with more pieces of Mom fading away. Small changes in Mom are big changes for how she lives her life and finds joy.

I am losing  her. I’m losing her ability to know me- whether its recognize me or understand the present aspects of my life. I am losing something so innate, so wonderfully connected to me- my mother.

And while I could sit here and write a list of all the gifts of character that could be gained from this process, none would be as paramount, as beautiful, or as utterly important as my Mom.

This year will bring on more loss…and some how we will get through. Because with loss, I truly believe there is also new life.

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5 responses

  1. Always remember that while your feelings of loss are personal, you are not alone, others are also on this journey with you grieving, coping and caregiving. As prolific a writer that you are, why not begin a series of letters to Mom, recounting memories as they enter your mind. They can be individual letters (sent or unsent) or they can form a journal. An opportunity for you to recall and allow her to possibly re-awaken forgotten shared moments together.

  2. I think all those who have a love one with Alzheimer’s will be able to relate to this post. It is a good on!
    I think visiting her and Bill’s suggestion about writing letters to your Mom is a fantastic idea for both of you.

  3. I forgot to mention that my Mom also has Alzheimers. My sister and I visit her as much as possible. My sister does a really great job shopping for Mom and just spending time with her.

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