This weekend, I set out to mend a significant relationship in my life. We did it. And I’m so thrilled and grateful for that.
During our time, I realized I needed to tend to another significant relationship in my life: the one I have with myself. I am. And I’m so thrilled and grateful for that.
As my boyfriend and I sat on a hill side overlooking rolling farms and the Appalachian mountains in the distance, talking about dreams, it came to pass that I needed support. I first stated this as needing some external support, but soon realized I also must honor who I already am and support myself from that point. This may sound strange, as in Kate, don’t you do things that support yourself and your growth, be it spiritual practices, or improv, or cultivating friendships. Yes, I do this and more. But at the core, there are some large questions that I’m struggling with and majorly trying times to boot.
After an incredibly serious and uplifting conversation, I joked about how the hill we were perched upon would be perfect for somersaulting down, Chris insisted that we roll down.
“What?”, I said “You’re too funny”.
“I mean it. This is perfect for it”, replied Chris.
“No, I’m going to get grass stains all over these pants! I really like these ones”.
“Suit yourself, I’m going regardless”.
At that moment, I realized: there are more important things than grass stains, or the appearance of looking ‘all put together’ in life. From the outside, I seem like all is going well, when I’m struggling. If rolling down this hill will give me some fun, what on earth is actually stopping me? Only me.
I flew down that hill, watching the world turn over and over: sky, grass, sky, grass, running out of control. As I skidded to the bottom, laughing and feeling exhilarated, I realized that sometimes you just need to do what feels good. Often, doing what feels good is a clear way to support yourself.
And about those grass stains on my pants… I now smile, because they remind me of that moment of pure joy, when I said yes to myself.