4.5 & HBD

Canva - Cloudy Sky

I have no idea how it’s 5 years. I know its not….but, it’s almost. 

10 years ago, I sat under your roof. Easily able to chat with you.

12 years ago, I saw you SPRINT towards retirement- with the expertise needed in a global crisis. A meltdown. I will always want to talk more about it with you.

15 years ago, you visited me at school to see me in a theatre production. You both never missed those. Or my b-ball days.

5 years ago, we were in the battle of our lives. It feels like a lifetime ago and the blink of an eye. We had all your cousins over to your nursing home to visit you for your birthday. It had been decades since all 6 of you had been together (and yes one was missing, but still!)

In this moment, one of the cruelest elements is that our relationship is frozen in 2015. I don’t know what it would have been like to be the adult daughter I had yet to become.  I don’t know how you’d support me or be frustrated in things I chose. Not that I’d choose differently. But I wish I knew, versus speculation.

I want to go to a Bruce concert with you. Would you even like that?

I want to go to the brewery that opened within walking distance of our house. Would you find that strange?

I want to take a hike and a bike ride with you. Would you still be able to?

I want you to teach me- anything. Would you still cream me in tennis?

I wanted you to be at sis’ wedding. There is no doubt you’d want to be there too.

I want you to be at mine. Be there. 

5 years. 4.5 years. What’s the difference? They both hurt. They both mean I miss you.


Happy birthday, Dad. I wish you were here. Hug Mommy and Nana. Forever and always.

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